It was early Saturday morning, and like any other day, I checked my phone first thing. (666) 666-6666: hey, can we move brunch from Saturday to Sunday? God’s pissy again. I blinked a few times. My friends are fucking with me again, I thought, not replying to the strange message. Moving downstairs, my mother blinked at me “didn’t you have brunch today?” she questioned, confused.
“How did they get you in on this? Huh?” I asked, moving to the coffee pot. “What are you talking about? You were the one who told me to had brunch with some hot guy today. Rember last night you said this, then again you just came back from another party,” my mother said, going into thought. “Well, it got moved to Sunday,” I said, taking a swig of my coffee.
“Roseanne, we have church on Sunday!” my mother said glaringly. “And the last time I followed bible scripter was when I was 6. I see no point in wasting time there anymore,” I said. We have this argument every weekend, and it ends the same my mother tells the father that I’m sick.
“God will turn his back on you, one day, child,” my mom said, standing and walking away. “He already has!” I called after her. Could you imagine being eight being multilingual but not able to read? Whelp, that was me! Now I spend Friday being a stupid young adult and the rest of the time being in a doctoral program at 20. Picking up my phone, I finally respond to the number.
Rose: hey! Honestly, who cares if he’s mad, but if it makes you more comfortable, then yeah, let’s have brunch on Sunday! I replied.
(666) 666-6666: man! You weren’t kidding last night, huh? Why not both days? That is if you can stand him nagging…
The number replied and smiled nothing about why I wasn’t a good Christian. This will be fun. I can feel it!
Rose: just give me the address. I’ll make my way there after changing. Last night’s dress isn’t appropriate for brunch with grumpy Jesus!
I reply, smiling for the first time in a while. Why did I feel so bubbly inside? Going upstairs two steps at a time, I stripped off the tight clothes and grabbed a lovely sundress. The dress and cream-colored with red splashed and images of old medical tools. I chose the dress because it showed my sigil tattoo, which rested in-between my shoulder blades.
Grabbing my phone, I yelled upstairs that I was going out. Checking the address, I hopped into my car and was off. When I say this place was weird, I mean like what the fuck type of weird. I live where there isn’t as much as a hill, so do pray tell how there was a fucking mountain in the middle of town sudenly?!
Pulling up the drive, I slid out of my car and walked to the door. An attractive man answered the door. He had black hair and red eyes. The song candyman popped into my head, seeing him.
“Wow, you really won’t his to be mad, huh?” he asked, grinning, eyeing my dress. He was leaned up against the door frame. “Well, I tried my best,” I said, smiling. He tilted his head, telling me to come in. Right when I walked past him, a voice called from another room.
“Lucifer, I swear to me, if you don’t get in here, I’ll find a way to drop you from heaven again!” the voice yelled. “Sorry, he was letting me in. I hope you don’t mind, but he and I already had plans, so if you fine with third-wheeling, that's great!” I said, walking into what looked to be a dining room. The room looked like it could be in a magazine for people to cope with their dream home.
Now the man was already seated at the table. He looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel. He had long hair, a face turning red and overall nothing like what they said Jesus would look like! “Lucifer!!” the man yelled. As if summoned, the man from the door was there, the amusement painted on his face.
“Hey, controlling humans is your job. Mine is to have fun, and this was fully by her choice,” he said, putting his hands up. Sitting down, I smiled at the pissed-off man “what should I be quoting the bible here?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“And what will you do if you end up in hell?!” questioned the pissed-off man. “Probably look to the ceiling surrounded by fire and fold my hands then say, oh thank god I’m finally with the fun people!” I exhaled, going through the motions. At first, the man seemed to get smug, then it dropped, and lucifer’s laugh filled the room.
“I knew I liked something about you! Few people would say that to the man himself! So god, how does it feel?” Lucifer asked; god, stormed out of the room, done with the conversation. “Wow, I’ve never seen him leave so fast. I think that’s a record,” Lucifer said, grinning.
“Your welcome?” I questioned, picking up the glass in front of me. “Hmm, so what do you want as repayment?” he asked, and I scrunched my nose at this. I did that for my entertainment, nothing more. “Immortality? Wealth? I can literally give you anything,” he said, giving suggestions.
“But I have no want for those things. Immortality ends in loneliness; wealth ends in grim death.” I shot back. “Huh, you are strange. Do you have no desires at all? I could kill people for you!” he said, pushing the point. “Material things a fleeting, immorality is eternally caged to your struggle with self-worth. The death of someone will cause more paperwork for me later. So no, I wish for nothing,” I replied, still sipping on the drink.
It tasted like heaven burned like hell, and I could feel it already taking effect. Whatever it was, I wanted more whenever I get a chance. “Your different… most people have a wish a desire something. You are the first I’ve found the seemingly has none of that. What would you truly do if you ended up in hell?” he questioned.
I was getting annoyed with this constant questioning, so I stood up, no longer have that fun, exciting feeling. “The path to hell is paved with good intentions, and some people are so good at being bad they find them selfs at Heaven gates, so what does it matter? Heaven and hell are just a place I’m sure I could find out something to do in either,” I replied, swaying. Fuck was that drink strong.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m rather irritated and will be finding my way home,” I mutter, going to walk away, but the room jets to the left. Lucifer caught me and smirked “don’t go falling for me,” he said, and it just pissed me off more.
“Don’t worry. I don’t fall for people who say they hate religion, then bring it up every sentence,” I muttered, drifting to sleep, unable to hold my eyes open any longer.
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